Hysterical Motherhood

The results of some recent studies have suggested that parenthood is actually bad for your health, and that childless couples tend to be in better shape physically over the long term than their counterparts with offspring. I can't argue at all about the physical part (although I do know some moms who look like they have never been pregnant a day in their lives, regrettably yours truly NOT included) but they forgot to mention the deleterious impact on your mental health. Parenthood makes you absolutely, certifiably, beyond a shadow of a doubt crazy.

To illustrate, I had a mini meltdown this week, as I suddenly noticed that I did not recognize most of the children in the Bean's class. Looking around, I realized that the majority of the children who had moved up to Ms. Jen's class with her were now with Ms. April, including children that I knew -- due to our whirlwind social calendar of birthday parties--to be younger than her (OK, only by like a month, but still) and who were also part time. Beantree schedules assessments and parent teacher conferences three times a year, so we are not due to have an in depth conversation with Ms. Jen until May, but I have asked her informally about the Bean's progress and always gotten a positive reply. So, what gives???? right? I mentioned my concerns to Dad and managed to get him spun up in a tizzy as well, especially as I pointed out that the Bean is going to be applying to LCDS this year and will have to complete testing to get in -- and if she doesn't get in she'll have to go a lesser school, and horror of horrors there go her young girls dreams of Harvard (have I mentioned in this blog that the Bean is THREE??!!!). So, if there is some developmental area she is lagging behind in we need to work on it now, now, NOW!!! right? I was so worked up I spoke with the school administrator who promised to talk to Ms. Jen, and made Dad say something about it when he dropped the Bean off that morning as well.

When I went to pick her up that Thursday afternoon, Ms. Jen was waiting for me. She explained that they had had some openings in Ms. April's class, and that she had had some Tuesday-Thurs part timers to move up (The Bean is a hybrid part timer since we pay for a full time slot and can drop her off on any day during the week, although we try to adhere to the Tues-Wed-Thurs routine). She also noted that the kids who moved up were not that much younger, and argued that there were more children still left in her class with the Bean than I realized.

Now, here is the genius part. She looked around, dropped her voice, and said conspiratorially, "I don't want her to go. She's such a good girl."

So, Ms. Jen wins the prize for managing hysterical moms and knowing just what to say to defuse the situation. It's not that my Bean can't move up, it's just that she's such an angel that her teachers don't want to let her go. Sure, I buy that . . . Well played, Ms. Jen!!!

Crazy mom, signing off for now.